Gayatri

ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः ।
तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं ।
भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।
धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः ।

तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं ।

भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।

धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः ।

तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं ।

भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।

धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः ।
तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं ।
भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।
धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

Blurp- First Journal Entry 11:11

My blog will listen. Or so I hope.

Beautiful weather, I love it when your skins says, "I can breathe", yes it talks to me. I enjoyed being in my skin today. I enjoyed a long productive day. It was full of running errands, meeting people, submitting applications, and getting a lot more for just a day. It was on a roll. I met my family for a wonderful dinner. I have not enjoyed a dinner like that in a while now. My stomach said, "thank you, I loved it" it talks to me too.

music has been keeping my spirits high. I am not thinking of what is not required of. I am adamant about owning my smile and will not give it up. I have lots to be grateful for! lots!

Grace is visiting me again. It seemed like it had left me for a little while. May be it went on a vacation. I stopped seeing 11:11, 1:11 or 11:01 all together. It was very random that I realized about its absence in my daily life and how I missed it.

When I called for it to return to me, It did! Within the next day or so I started to see it again. On the computer, on my phone, in my car.. everywhere. It followed me like a shadow.. protecting me like a bubble. I started to talk with it now in my car. I talk to it when I want to share pain, or joy, ask a favor or vent. Its nice about listing. And when it wants to tell me that things will be okay...I see it. I see 11:11.

Thank, you for returning. I missed you. Stay, don't leave this time. I need you through it all. Stay with me, we'll have some good time together. I wont bore you, I can tell you that.

Ive stated to like my company. Living alone after all is not that bad. I think it just depends on how you look at it.

So come test me, I am here standing tough. Do it all to take me down...but you wont get my soul. You wont get my charm. And you certainly wont get my smile, I can tell you that!

Reason

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you…

mind

Look, Look, Look!

Look again at the marvelous

seep seep seep ...seep into its beauty
bask bask bask...bask in its glory
die die die...die in its love for once!

live will you? live live live, damnit live for once!

for that's its purpose.

to be...

I take onto this path
for my hindering quest

I seek from it a vision,
define my needs,
a fate that i shall call life

I hope from it a soul
that is me
consciousness that surrounds

I want from it a life
calling it my own

I beg from it a dream
to quench to breathe to love

to be...

Hope/Death

Take 1

emotional exhaustion
dreams perished
input, much more than required

Result:
Wait, longer, longer longer...death.

Take 2

Learning: no emotional exhaustion
input only as demanded

Result:
shallow, dust, dust, storm...hope? death? life? love?

Hello...

Playground school bell rings again,
Rain clouds come to play again,
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,
Hello...

If I smile and don't believe,
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream,
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken,
Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide,
Don´t cry...

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping,
Hello, I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday...
Hello...

Heartless